At least that's what I tell myself to get through the day

I used to think writing was something that I could do full time, that was I think a few months ago. Now I don't think that so much, even if I didn't have to go to work 8 hours a day and I wasn't so tired when I came home I believe I would still have a hard time getting to the computer and actually writing for a full 8 hours. I'm just not really self motivated. It's why I don't think I could really go into a career for the arts, constantly putting effort into getting a new job every day. Sounds terrible right? Right.

OK, I gotta do this fast since I'm only home for a short while. I've been house sitting for some friends and the house comes with two giant golden retrievers and a little poodle like whelp. I have been getting a lot of sleep this weekend so far but only because the sleep that I get is constantly being interrupted by yelps and scratches and snoring. Now I know that dogs can snore, I've heard it before, but this dog sounds exactly like my father when she snores. It is the damnedest thing. But anyway I have to sleep at least 15 hours a day now but with the constant waking up and trying to get back to sleep I think I am averaging about 6 hours real time sleep. So there are about 9 hours that are being taken away from me by creatures which are supposed to be lower on the food chain. Maybe I'll feel better after some Bosintang.

Logic so sound it's unheard of

Is it really so bad to repeat yourself? People do it all the time in conversations. I continue to censor myself because I keep writing about the same things over and over again. But I'm not even taking someone else's ideas, I'm taking my own (that can't be that bad right?). Maybe I'm honing my ideas, yeah! It's not that I'm repeating myself or being unoriginal because I'm out of ideas, I'm repeating myself to make my writing better.

You just can't argue with yourself when your logic is so sound.

Pizza makes everything better

How is it that I can come home from feeling tired all day, crash on the bed and take a nap, then wake up an hour and a half later even more tired than when I got home? Damnit.

I need some pizza.

A change of plans

So I changed my calendar format, instead of circles for making a post and Xs for not I decided a frowny face would motivate me more. But now I just have a disappointed calendar. Not exactly the motivating tool I would have hoped for.

You know what is motivating? Boobs. So now there will be 2 circles for completed days instead of just one. I will finally turn my lifelong infatuation with female nudity into something useful with my life.

YES!

YAY!

http://thesports.podbean.com/2010/05/18/the-sports-may-11-2010/

That's me! :DDDDD

Bet you thought I was done didn't you?

It was completely unintentional, but apparently I've decided to take a break after 200 posts. I had actually forgotten I had exactly 200 posts until just a moment ago when I opened up my blogspot homepage. But vacations are required every now and again, required and deserved. And while it is hard to get back into the day to day after being on the down and low for a lengthened period of time, it is worth it because now the day to day seems less day after day and more seize the day...today.

Day!

Holy crap 200 posts

I hate feeling sick, but worse than being sick is the feeling you know you're about to get sick, I've felt like this all day. I can feel the infection coming, but I'm not sick enough to stay home so I just have to deal with it until it flattens me.

The bar where everybody knows your name

All my life I have been shy, timid and reclusive. I have always assumed this is because my environment was changed early and often as I was growing up (my parents separated before I could form memories, my mom moved around the country more often than an army brat and my dad only lived in California but in just as many different houses). A theory which is validated by my recent discovery this evening: I feel at home at the sushi bar. I used to go out to the sushi bar with my dad, just the two of us for as long as I can remember. Whether it was Surf Sushi (later the Pink Godzilla) in Santa Cruz or Star of Siam (one of the first Thai restaurant/sushi bar combos) in Soquel, my dad was always the king of the sushi bar. He (We) would be greeted with a hearty hello or konbanwa upon entering and sitting in front of the sushi chef, we (he) would flirt with all the cute women who were lucky enough to end up sitting near us, and we would engage in conversation with complete strangers who I had never seen before or since. It was a time we could just relax and have fun, and for some reason it was one of the only places I could shed my protective shell and just relax.

Somehow I have been able to carry that tradition with me through these years and when I'm sitting in front of a large Japanese man with a very sharp knife I transform into someone outgoing, brave and social. It's pretty awesome I must say, to finally find a comfort blanket that isn't literally a blanket (mine is all faded and dirty).

Soooooooooooooo...zzzzzzzz

Tiiiiiiiired...zzzzzzzzzzzz

I do like getting it and giving it though...

I don't like giving gifts. The reason I don't like giving gifts is because I enjoy gift giving too much (hear me out, this makes sense in my head). Say something is coming up in the future that requires me to give a gift, I now have one of two options: I can get something I think is neat, or I can get something that is sure to be awesome. If I get something I think is neat then I spend the entire time before the gift is opened wanting to play with it and reading about it and imagining myself playing with it and then when I actually do give it to the person I basically ruin it for them because I tell them everything about it before they have a chance to open it. It then causes all types of friction between me and the recipient because I've essentially taken their gift away before I've given it to them. But if I get something that is sure to be awesome then I spend the entire time getting all excited about giving the gift and telling the recipient how awesome their gift is and then they are sure to be let down.

I guess that's why I like getting gifts better than giving them.

In the habit, out of the habit, whatever.

I think I've figured out my problem, I was trying to get in the habit of writing but instead I got into the habit of procrastinating. Or rather I was already in the habit of procrastinating but I didn't have anything to get done now that I'm out of school.

Basically what would happen every day was: I would get on my computer, open up the blogger window, and then open up a new tab to do some web browsing, waiting for an idea to come to me. Funny how that didn't work though, so my new goal is to get out of the habit of procrastinating. But habits are not like clothing, they are harder to get out of than to get into, because clothing just comes off like WHOMP! and it's gone, especially when you're horny. Habits come off like molasses in January? Do people still say that? Do people even use molasses anymore? Apparently so. Win for Kelly.

A sneaky enemy

Well I've already failed my goal of writing every day for a month this month (that was easy). But it is the times like this where I cannot give up, lethargy has almost got the best of me but this is just one more battle, it's a sneaky enemy sloth. Because of its nature it knows it won't win a power struggle, but all it has to do is lay in wait for the chance to strike. Then BAM! before you know it, your productivity is down and you're doing other things like...well, nothing.

The only real way to do battle is one day at a time, one day at a time.