How do you do it?

It starts small: an image on TV, a knowing look from Sarah, even just a thought can get me going. But once it's there there's not much I can do to stop it, I need release and I need it as soon as I can get it. Sometimes it feels wrong to up and leave in the middle of a social situation, but if I don't the consequences could be worse. I keep the door closed for two reasons, so there are no distractions from the task at hand and because I don't like it when people can see me, I don't mind if they know what I'm doing after the fact or even if they are aware while it's happening, but it's such a personal thing that I would feel weird if someone else was in the room. Turning the computer on I leave the lights off, in fact they're a distraction, I prefer the only light to be that of the monitor as I click on my favorite bookmark and search for pictures, I don't need the pictures but they help. Sometimes I even use videos but not very often, I prefer the simplicity of a single frame. When it's all done I fall back into my chair, thankful of what I've done. Sometimes it's amazing and I can hardly believe I did it by myself, but sometimes when I drink too much it's barely even worth the effort I put in. But good or bad I do it every day whether I have an urge or not, because writing is important in life, and if we don't write down our thoughts and feelings what are we but a bunch of monkeys with cell phones?