Don't worry, I didn't piss myself

Running as quickly as possible to the bathroom I am relieved at the anticipation of relieving myself. I have waited till the last second to pee because I had to make a few last minute changes for my boss, but sometimes the waiting makes the actual excretion so much better. There is always a ceremony I run through that has become so habitual it borders on a prerequisite: close the door, lock the door, walk to the urinal, unzip, look at door to double check it's locked, and finally pull myself out to evacuate...myself. But wait, what's this? Today of all days, I have decided to wear those boxers with the button on the fly, and while distracted, a button is a difficult simple machine. Why in the crap are there buttons on boxers anyway? Most boxers with buttons are well made all around and don't open up unexpectedly, the only boxers that need buttons are the ones who would be too cheap to put a button on them in the first place. Freaking boxer designers.